“It takes a village to raise a child.”
This African proverb that so many of us know is indicative of the attitude that we must adopt if we want to have any chance at revitalizing and strengthening our education system in America. During my early months teaching, “teamwork makes the dream work” became the unofficial slogan of my classroom that I would/continue to recite on a daily basis. At first my kids were unsure of why this was so important but over time they came to realize that it was symbolic of something greater for me; Community. Community building is at the root of what education is about. In America, schools are the sites where young children are supposed to learn how to be good citizens. Schools are the place where we learn about ourselves, others, our country, and our world. If we truly embrace the idea that we as people are all connected to a greater community held together by our intrinsic shared humanity, then we can learn to truly work together to tackle some of our worlds greatest problems including educating our youth.
Recently, my school held its semesterly “parent teacher conference week” which allowed for parents to come in and speak one on one with their child’s teachers. Teachers were required to be in the building between 10-12 hours for 3 days in order to accommodate all the parents and, while it was extremely tiring, the opportunity to engage parents was truly worth it. Our school switched to standard based grading this year and, while it is very progressive, we have had some difficulties implementing and rolling out our new grading system. Conference week allowed for us to dive deep along with parents into each of our kids grades and, in particular, explore their individual strengths and weaknesses within each subject.
On the first day of conferences, the last slot in my schedule was filled by a particularly difficult scholar’s mother. I was immediately excited to see his mother’s name because I had trouble establishing contact with her all semester. The child in question had been struggling both socially and academically all year so I felt that this meeting would be a great opportunity to develop a plan with his mother in order for him to be successful in the future. Our conference went through three stages which I’ve experienced in conferences before, but never at such a profound and distinguished level. The stages as I see them are 1. Resentment/Anger, 2. Understanding/Ownership, and 3. Teamwork Development.
I should mention that the child’s parent only spoke Spanish and so I did all the talking on behalf of the group of teachers present in the room.When the mom first came in, she entered in a state of frustration and deference. She argued that her son’s academic shortcomings were his teachers fault and that we should have been more proactive in contacting/informing her of his progress, or lack thereof, in our courses. She mentioned that in 5th and 6th grade her son was an A student and that she had been shocked to find his averages in the 30’s and 40’s. Accordingly, her interpretation of his declining performance was that it was clearly an indicator of our weaknesses in developing her son’s abilities.
After a few minutes of her all out attack on his teachers, the mother gave me an opportunity to respond and clear up some misconceptions. Firstly, we had been attempting to contact her all year to no avail. When I was able to contact someone, it was the child’s father who she said was not currently playing an active role in his life. I informed the mom that it was her son who was partly responsible for me developing my Brotherhood Club for 7th and 8th grade boys struggling with behavior issues and that he was one of the members who attended the meetings most often. I told her about how in the fall, when the weather was agreeable, I would spend my Friday afternoons playing basketball with him and other kids in the local park. I explained that our teachers offered tutoring sessions during lunch and on Tuesdays after school. I tried to get the mother to understand that we were on the same team and that all we really wanted was for her son to be successful.
After diving into a bit of her current situation and our failed efforts, the mother entered the second stage of our conference which was a recognition of her role in her child’s education. The mother broke into tears as she described the last year of her life. She offered that she recognized things she could be doing better to ensure her son did well in school. She admitted that family and economic troubles over the past year had hindered her ability to be more vigilant with her son and that the truth was the she was partly, if not completely, responsible for many of her son’s difficulties. It was this moment that allowed the conference to transition into its last phase: our communal understanding of our roles.
I explained to the mother that there was no individual actor responsible for her son’s, or any child’s, problems in school. Instead of looking for where to place blame, I offered that we should look for opportunities to work together. We discussed contacting each other more often and keeping a more diligent eye on the boy. The mother gave us her updated contact information and every single teacher gave her their phone number. We agreed to keep in touch and to update her on a weekly basis regarding her son’s progress. We discussed activities and clubs that her son could join so that he was kept busy after school. The mother, initially having walked into the room with 5 perceived enemies, now left the room with 5 new allies in her son’s academic journey. I would like to think that this mother left school that day feeling like a lot of the weight she felt she was carrying on her own was now spread out among a larger group of people. I would hope that she felt supported and that her son was cared for.
This story is indicative to me of a larger conversation and perception that our society should be having about education. We need to start seeing this work as our communal societal effort. Parents, teachers, administrators, teachers unions, politicians, and the general citizenry need to stop bickering over “whose fault” it is that kids are struggling and instead channel that energy into crafting innovative collaborative solutions and strategies to help them. The topic should shift from a blame game to a shame game that we have devolved to finger pointing rather than problem solving. There is no “their kids” and “our kids” because ALL the kids are “our kids.” In a recent lecture at Brown University on race and education, Pedro Noguera offered that given their general lack of interest and investment in Black and Brown children, “old white people should be AFRAID” of the future given our current educational landscape. After all, it is this generation of kids who will grow up and contribute to that generation’s social security and medical benefits. It is in their, and all of our, best interests to work towards educating our kids and to do so in a collective and communal way.