“The first wedding that I’ve been in my twenties
Thinkin’ maybe someone is not somethin’ to own
Maybe the government got nothin’ to do with it
Thinkin’ maybe the feeling just comes and it goes
Think I want me a lil’ one that look like my clone
Me and my baby can’t do on our own”
-Frank Ocean
“I’m writing you a letter
This is to my unborn child
Want to let you know I love you
Love you, if you didn’t know I feel this way
How I, think about you every day
I have so much to say”
-Tupac Shakur and Tena Jones
I usually write what goes on here by myself but this was necessarily co-authored. This letter, like the product of our partnership, has both of us in it…
January 17, 2019
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
To Our Children,
As we write this, we are brimming with excitement, a little nervousness of the unknown, and a deep love and respect for each other. We are nine weeks and five days into our first pregnancy, and just yesterday we saw for the first time, the beating heart of the newest member of our family. Your dad shed some tears and supportively grasped your mom’s foot as she stared intently at the image of you, letting the first feelings of motherhood wash over her. These next few months are sure to go by fast, so before we welcome you into this world, we want to make some commitments to you about our family, our love, and our future.
On Family
Our family started many years ago as two separate families, different in many ways, but both filled with lots of love and support from many people near and far. You have great grandparents from Colombia, to Florida, to Cape Cod. Your grandfather built the road connecting his street to the main square in his town outside of Medellin, and your grandmother was the first person in our family to go to business school. You come from a long line of journalists, lawyers, soldiers, ship captains, makers, mothers, rebels, pirates, healers, and educators. There are too many people and stories to share in this short letter, but we promise to tell them all to you. Storytelling and lively conversation are in your blood, and we know that you will be telling your own stories and asking your own questions very soon. When it comes to our family, we may not always agree or see things from the same perspective, but we will always support, love, laugh, and learn from each other.
On Love & Commitment
When we met, we were working together as teachers. We both have a love for learning and quickly realized that there was a lot to learn about each other. We talked about our pasts, our families, our beliefs about ourselves and the world, and our future. We talked a lot. In the process, we taught each other a lot too. Your mom taught your dad the ring game, the art of compromise, compassion, patience, and a large, random assortment of white people shit. Your dad taught your mom how to dance salsa, play dominoes and cacho, and that what is normal doesn’t always dictate what is right. The most important thing that we learned together is that we love each other.
Once we fell in love, we started to think about our lives together. There was one summer day when your mom sat your dad down and told him exactly how she felt. She told him that she only wanted to be with him, and at some point, she moved her vacuum cleaner into his apartment. See, your dad’s apartment was very dusty, and as much as he hates cleaning, he loves your mom more. As our love grew and our lives became more intertwined, we started to make decisions as partners. We decided to move into a new apartment together, to split cooking and cleaning chores based on our strengths (and weaknesses), and to one day, raise humans of our own. We bought our first new car and home together, we traveled to new places with our families, and we took care of each other when we were sick.
One of the other decisions we made was to not get married. We looked around at our life together at that moment, and it felt full but also full of possibilities. Marriage, as we saw it, didn’t offer us anything we didn’t already have. The one thing we felt could bring something more to us, was growing our family to include you.
Not everybody will understand or value this decision in the same way that we do. If you ever worry about people saying or you feeling that this isn’t normal, remember that one of the things we learned from each other is that what’s “normal” isn’t all that important to us. And really, what is normal? We ask this because what might be normal for you could be very different than what we predict at this moment now.
Honestly, it would be hard for our family to be normal, even if we tried really, really hard. It’s just not our style. Instead of striving to be normal, we’d rather work toward being true to ourselves and to each other.
On the Future
It’s yours. Live fully and remember that we are all connected. We feel privileged to be able to watch you grow and to grow alongside you. You are the dream of all the people who came before you and the example for those who will come after.
Love,
Mom & Dad
P.S. Check out how alien-like you looked:
